i'm not bitter anyway, let it go

i think tonight i've kind of hit a realization.
call it an epiphany...call it what you will
but i'm still not really sure.

i think when people say they get "closure"
it's not like the kind of closure you get when you shut a door.
it's like...
you can't ever get real closure from the things in your past.
wounds always reopen regardless of how long it's been since...well whatever it is.

i think that the farther you get from remembering,
the more closure you achieve.

i saw something tonight that made me remember everything.
it was small
it was simple
it was without motive
yet when i saw it, it made my heart pound
and all those old familiar feelings of drowning and hopelessness and how it felt to cry my eyes dry everyday...

all those feelings of how much it hurt to breathe just came rushing back
and i wanted to cry soooo bad, all over again.

2009 is coming up real soon and real quick for that matter.
it's been almost 5 years.
jesus, five years gone by.

it's times like these i really start to wonder
what things are going to be like in another five years time.
if five years later...we still talk, we still see each other.
i feel ridiculous saying things like this
and a big part of me is pissed for not having moved on years ago.
and that part of me is also pissed for now being able to say "years" instead of "months" ago.

the only thing i have kept up longer than this is my schooling
and to say that is kind of scary.
and i start to wonder when i'll ever let this go
or if i'll ever let it go...let him go.

i was always so afraid of the notion that i would get so comfortable in this big mess we like to call a relationship, that i would never have it in me to just up and leave.

i think i'm there now
and finally admitting that makes me feel like crying.
like i've finally become a slave to my fear of hurting, regret, etc.
to the point that i just don't try anymore.

the idea of a knight in shining armor still kind of dances around in my mind
whenever i see a cute boy or think my butterflies have come back.
and just when i think...just when i feel like i'm really ready to let my heart explore, i get scared.
i fall into those quiet and lonely nights when i have no one
and i panic.
i panic
and i call him.

oh lord.
i'm crying
and i already feel pathetic.
i think i've accepted that i'm never going to walk away
and that i'll just be stuck in this rut for the rest of my life
because i'm too scared to be alone
and i'm too scared to lose...anything.




toodle oooh

las night, my mind dreamt across eight state lines

i'm pretty lazy right now :(
i don't really like it though.
i'm starting to get really frustrated with life
and i want to start focusing on getting shit together.

i don't really know what i'm doing at PCC right now.
i think i know where i want to take my life and i'm not really following that track.
this semester i'm taking marine biology, some teaching course, and elementary french.
i think i'm just taking french for fun.
marine biology and the teaching course are for my future.

but i don't even know about being a teacher anymore.
i went on the University of Oregon website earlier and saw that they had majors in environmental science for people who want to get into like environmental policy and stuff like that.
someone once told me that i should minor in public relations because i have really good speaking skills
and i'm thinking, maybe i should use that to my advantage and become some kind of environmental law maker
shit maybe i'll even become a senator.
but that's sort of big-dreaming i think.

i don't really know what i want to do yet
or where i want to go.
i tried to talk with a counselor about my major and the classes i needed to get an AA or something
but I did'nt get to speak with one.
it was so annoying.

i wish i knew what i was doing at college.
i want to be on the right track,
to have someone tell me, "okay these are the classes you need to take."
i'm really just playing it by ear.

if i could i would take a bunch of science classes.
shit man
i'm so behind.

i have to finish some assignments from English 1B last semester.
I have an incomplete grade for that class :(
the only way i can get a letter grade is by writing some essays i didn't do.
i've been procrastinating so much :(
i just want to get on top of everything.

there's just so much going on.

well...i'm rambling and it's awful.
i really should be getting off my ass
i think i'm just soo bored with life's routines.

i need to get out of alhambra.
i need a change of scenery.




toodle oooh

make your way to me, and i'll always be just so inviting

i'm getting so bored with summer.
i miss the rain
and i miss feeling cold.

the only bad thing is that i think i'm going to really miss having someone to hang on to during the cold weather.
:(
i guess i'm feeling really nostalgiac right now.
i want letting go to be easy
but more than that, i want to not have to let go at all.

i guess i don't have a choice though.

well i'm running out of things to say.
i'm going to finish watching Survivorman,
straighten my hair
and go to sleep.

I'll see you in the morning, PCC.
:(



toodle oooh

is this how it feels when you don't even fit into your own skin?

i finished my book tonight.
it was really good.
Alice Hoffman has never let me down, and i'm glad.

Right now I have to use the bathroom and clean up my bed
but I'm kinda lazy.

I feel like i'm at a point in my life where I'm just dying to meet someone knew
or hang out with someone new.
I realize that there are so many people around me who are complete strangers
and everyone has a story.
everyone has some wisdom to share,
it's incredible.

i want to be more daring in life
and if i see a cute boy
i want to have the courage to tell him that i think he's cute.
taking risks is kind of scary
but i'm excited to see what is out there.

well i think i'm running out of things to say.
it's late and i'm having some pretty interesting conversations.

i'm excited to heal my heart
and see what life has to offer.



toodle oooh

i'll suffocate if i don't take in some air

i haven't written in a while.
my life hasn't been too eventful lately.
a lot of things with danny went ridiculously sour
and getting over it is going to take some time
but we'll see.
i know i'll get better
but it will take some time.

on thursday i'm going to go to a party for Climate Change.
I'm super duper excited for that.
I think like 15 people are giong so far.
I really want Eric to go with me, I told him about the party
but he hasn't gotten back to me about it.
Oh well.
If not, maybe Samantha will go with me.
I wouldn't mind going alone either.

I bought a book from Target yesterday.
It's called The Ice Queen and it's by Alice Hoffman.
I wasn't sure about buying it before but Alice Hoffman has nevr let me down.
I've read two of her books already:
The River King and Here on Earth.
They were really good books.

Right now i'm watching Africa's Last Eden on National Geographics.
It's so sad that people kill elephants for their ivory.
It's one of the most disgusting, destructive thing that people can do.
I really hate how self-centered humans beings are.
We share this planet with so many other creatures,
and with all due respect, they have seniority over us.
I think because of that, we owe them a huge amount of respect,
more respect than what we're showing them now.

Anyway, i'm rambling.
Thanks for reading.



toodle oooh

i'm about to do all of the things i've dreamed of and i don't even miss you at all

goodbye forever danny.
i am done with you.
thank you for completely fucking up my feelings
and destroying my heart.
i guess i have my work cut out for me.

but i'll tell you this much,
i know i will be okay!
i'm going to be just fine
all i need is some time and support.
trust me,
i'll be on my feet again in no time
and i'll have my head on straight.

i'm going to be just fine
and i am going to forget all about you

i hope you're happy now,
'cause you lose.



toodle oooh

i'm not so naive, my sorry eyes can see

i'm at my neighbor Eric's house right now.
I'm supposed to be helping him bring in some mattresses for his mom's bed
haha but i'm blogging instead :P

oh well
i helped him put together her bedframe.
i love my neighbor Eric.
he's the best neighbor ever :)
i love his mom too!
she's awesome!!!!
haha their whole family is just great.
good people,
seriously.

but anyways
things have kind of been at a stand-still lately.
not a lot of work
no school
nothing really to be done.
i don't really like all of this inactivity.
i wish i had something daily to do.
maybe i should make myself a schedule to follow
haha or maybe not.
oh lord.

i really need to get my shit together.
i will soon.



toodle oooh

why do we like to hurt so much

i still try holding onto silly things
i never learn!!!!!!!




toodle oooh

i just keep thinking how i never meant it to be like this

today is danny's birthday.
23 on the 23rd.

sometimes i wish i could get over him and move on
but at the same time i really really don't want to,
i never wanted to, ever.

oh lord :(
feelings are stupid.

i don't know anything anymore!!!!!

i'm just going to keep listeing to paramore
and hopefully i'll figure shit out.

see, this is why i dont ever think about my feelings anymore!
i don't have any answers to any of the questions!!

i think i'm just going to quit life.




toodle oooh

that's what you get when you let your heart win

why do we like to hurt so much?



one step forward
two steps back
:(

i hope i know what i'm doing.
and i wish this wasn't so complicated.

i love you
and i miss you
soo much.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i don't know what's right for me
and i don't know what i need anymore.

where do all the answers come from?

i want you back in my life.
i promise we can make it work.
i love you
i love you
i love you.
let's make this work.
i love you.

i hate this...



toodle oooh

we will be going nowhere soon

this is your life
and it's ending
one second at a time.

i really didn't do anything today
which kind of makes me sad
but at the same time,
i don't mind so much.

i dealt with a lot of insurance stuff today
the allstate people are really nice.
i really miss my car though :(
and i still feel awful about the accident.
i wish i could just put it out of my mind
but oh well.
life just has it's little upsies i guess :(


driving my car is probably going to be very scary after this.
ugh especially changing lanes on the freeway.
i'm so scared of the freeway now.
i guess i just have to be really extra super cautious next time.

...i don't mean to digress but...
oh lord
i really miss danny.
i hate to admit it because sometimes i wish i didn't miss him
but i really really want to go back to him
only because i know what to expect in that "relationship".
i miss his love and i miss him as a person
i miss his body and the nights we used to spend
and i don't want to settle for anything else right now.

letting go is ridiculously difficult and draining :(
i wish i didn't have to do it
but it's not about what i want anymore.
it's about what i need to do to be happy.

"your eyes must do some raining if you're ever going to grow"




toodle oooh

i don't want to feel this way forever

so today i got into a car accident on the freeway.
my first accident with my new car :(
it wasn't major at all, thank goodness
i guess you could call it a fender bender :(
but still....it sucks big time
and it was my fault :(

jessica and i were on our way to santa monica beach
and we were on the section of freeway that splits of
between the 5 north i guess and the 10 west
and we were stuck in the lane that went to the 5
which had bumper to bumper traffic
and so i had to merge into the right lane
which had flowing traffic
so after waiting for the right time to go,
i saw an opening between the cars and i went for it
but what i didn't see was a honda cr-v next to me
and i hit it :(
ohhh lord.

i really dont want to talk about it/relive it at all.
so i guess i'll just say
damage to the honda was minimal
damage to my yaris was...ehhh, it's not nice to look at.
my dad was really angry :(
my mom was pretty understanding
and i feel terrbile about it.
and i think that's all i want to say about that.



toodle oooh

no sólo de pan vive el hombre, y no de excusas vivo yo

sigue llorando perdón,
yo, ya no voy a llorar por tí

tonight went from being a super shitty night
to being an awesome night.
woo woooo



p.s.
it's so funny
hearing my doggie sneeze




toodle oooh

tell me, can you feel the pressure now

howdy.
so i just got back home from the dentist :(
i had to get fillings
boooo cavities!
and i had to get a shot also.
it wasn't as bad as i anticipated it to be though
which is good!
because i hate needles.

uggh my upper lip is soooo numb
it feels gross.
i can't eat until the numbness goes away
and i'm suuuuuper hungry :(
there's not really anything to eat at my house either.
i hate it!
i dont like buying fast food all the time :(

i want to go see The Happening tonight
it's probably going to be all crowded and shit
but oh well, it looks like a good movie.

uughh sooooo hungry.
and on a side note,
i hate work.
boooo jamba juice
and your crummy management
and your lousy schedule-making.
booooo i say!!!

i hope i get this job at petsmart.
it may be a little far from my house
but fuck, anything is better than getting paid $8 an hour
and working a maximum of >10 hours a week.
fuck that.

oh well.
my teeth hurt
my lip and cheek are numb
and i'm hungry.
and work sucks.




toodle oooh

on your machine i slur a plea for you to come home

hi.
today was a pretty crummy day.
the best part of it was hanging out with my neighbor Eric for like a half hour.
he's really great at cheering me up.
he's really great in general.

so i'm listening to death cab for cutie right now
and it hurts to type with my index finger
'cause i smashed it at work :(

ugh...
sometimes i wish letting to was easy.
i wish i could just find a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet
so quickly that i would leave all this extra baggage behind.
oh lord.

i miss the way he smells
and i miss the way he used to love me.
but he doesn't love me like that anymore
and he doesn't treat me like he loves me.
there's no reason for me to go back
and there's no reason for me to hold on anymore
it's just so difficult sometimes.


"you can never find the right person, if you never
let go of the wrong one. but at the same time, the
moment you feel like letting go, you remember
why you held on for so long.

sometimes you have to forget what you want, and remember what you deserve"




toodle oooh

don't try, you'll never win

hi.
i'm awfully lonely tonight :(
that's all.



toodle oooh

the western skyline is where my heart is

Hi.
I'm absolutely in love with a song called Hardly Enough by WAZ.
go listen to it, it's sooo beautiful.
oh i love it i love it.

anyway
so today was my last day of oceanography lecture.
lord, i am going to miss that class tremendously.
i feel like i've learned sooo much.
i'm really tempted to take the geology 1 class that my professor is offering over the summer
it's tuesday, wednesday, and thursday from 8am to 2pm.
it seems like a really long time
but 18 hours of Dr. Bryan Wilbur weekly is an absolute dream.
really.

plus he said since there are 6 hour blocks
there could potentially be trips to the beach ;)
nice.
but i dont need to take that class as a requirement or anything.
it would be super duper fun and interesting, no doubt.
but it would lessen my work availability a lot
and i dont know if i want to wake up that early 3 days a week over the summer.
i mean, i do it now
but summer is relax time.
maybe i wont do it.
i'm sure he will offer other interesting courses in the fall.
ooh i love Professor Wilbur :D woo!!!

i'm extremely thirsty.
i took a really long nap when i got home from school today
it felt so good.
i was out like a light, really. drooling and everything hahaha.
sorry i know that's gross but that's how tired i was.
maybe that's why i'm so thirsty.

so right now it's just me at home.
i'm going to finish cleaning up my room right now
and then i'm probably going to get in the shower
and work on my Humans and the Environment powerpoint afterwards.

i swear, this song Hardly Enough makes me feel like life is alright :)
it's such a gorgeous song.

well time for me to get things done!




toodle oooh

ghost of a good thing

i guess it's luck but it's the same,
hard luck you've been trying to claim.
maybe it's love but it's like you said
love is like a role that we play.

but i believe in you so much,
i could die for the words that you say.
but i believe in you so much,
i could die from the words that you say.

you're chasing a ghost of a good thing,
haunting yourself as the real thing
is getting away from you again
while you're chasing ghosts.

just bend the pieces 'til they fit
like they were made for it
but they weren't meant for this,
no they weren't meant for this.

just bend the pieces 'til they fit
like they were made for it,
but they weren't meant for this.




toodle oooh

i wish the world was flat like the old days, so i could travel just by folding a map

i'm at school right now.
i'm trying to write my essay but i just can't do it.
maybe i should have read the play :(
i'm supposed to write about Arthuer Miller's Death of a Salesman.
The prompt is:


What is Arthur Miller criticizing about the American Dream in Death of a Salesman?


Pretty good prompt if you ask me.
I mean, I read some of the play and watched the movie in highschool
but that was like junior year :/
we talked about the play in class too
and my professor gave me some really good ideas
but i just can't seem to put it together.
I never know what to write anymore :( :(
oh lord.

I'm listening to Death Cab for Cutie right now
hence the title of my post.

Well i'm on limited time right now!!
i have about another hour to write write write!!
so...



toodle oooh

our boats collide, we feel the breeze

it's been really windy today.
high pressure system :) i learned that in oeanography.
i'm watching survivorman right now
although i should be writing my english essay.
it's a really good prompt though so writing it should be easy.

i made dinner today.
cheeseburger macaroni hamburger helper
some soup and some creamed corn with monterey jack cheese in it.
it was good i just wish i had someone to eat with.

my neighbor Eric has come home from college finally :)
it's nice that he's next door all the time now
'cause he's awesome to hang out with
so i'm hoping i can hang out with him soon wooo!

i was supposed to go to the california science center today
but samantha didn't have enough gas so we cancelled that plan
booooo but oh well it happens.

i'm going to write more of my essay.



toodle oooh

how could i predict this would happen?

I know I haven't written for a long time
but oh well.
nothing new has really happened lately.

My car doesn't work anymore :( I don't know what's wrong with it
except for the fact that it's an old piece of crap!!
hopefully I'll start making enough money to make car payments soon
so that I can get my Yaris :) wooooo

But right now I'm watching some movie with Tupac
waiting to go to work at 6.
it's ridiculously, hideously hot outside right now
so work is probably going to be a pain.
It's going to feel good cleaning everything though haha.

I stopped talking to Danny like a week ago I think.
I'm not really sure how long it's been
but I don't feel like calling him at all.

I got hooked on So You Think You Can Dance haha the last season
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a great show.
well i'm pretty much out of things to say
and i think thats why i haven't written anything.



toodle oooh

i wrote this down for you

She desperately longed for affection and caring words and gestures. She was—more than ever— a fiend for what seemed so easily granted in the beginning of the relationship, but now seeemed to be the hardest thing to give.

Her heart's old wounds and stitches opened once more as the loss of something great again reminded her of how she was really living.

Fairy tales do not exist in real life.
Life takes it's own course.
It does not yield for age differences and it has no compassion for love.
It tears people apart with no more than a few apologies and a million unanswered questions.

What used to be a warm, safe place where her love could thrive,
had now become a bruised, stitched, pathetic excuse for a heart that could no longer feel what used to keep it alive.


this was something i wrote a while back.
i have no idea when i wrote it
but i found it today while cleaning my room.

the reason i'm cleaning is because in the past 3 days,
i have found 4 cockroaches chilling in my room.
disgusting.
i hate them.
so i need to do a thorough clean today
and then go to Margarita Jones later!!
WOOO!
haha i guess it should be fun
i've never been there but it's like a restaurant/nightclub.
yay :)



toodle oooh

she can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends

i'm at jessica's house right now.
we watched Fight Club and now the Reno 911 movie is on.
It's pretty damn late.
I have work at 2 tomorrow...
2-6
it's not so bad :)

hahaha oh my god, The Rock is in this movie?
that's too funny.
HAHAHA!
he just got blown up.
what a shame.
oh lord.
this movie is funny.

anyway,
i had a bad night the other night :(
cried super duper hard in my car in the PCC parking lot...
like really cried...hard.
it felt really good though to get everything out.

Today in my english class i was supposed to turn in a bunch of essays
and i didn't :(
sucks man.
4 poems, one essay per poem, three pages per essay.
horrible stuff.
oh well.
:(
We watched Oedipus: The King.
That's actually a really good play.
The movie was entertaining and it was fun following along in the book.

anyway...
i'm pretty sleepy.
Looks like i'm sleeping on the couch tonight!
No biggie :)

shit I wanted to buy this super soft pillow from Ross
but i already spent like $30 over there.
I guess I'll do it when I get paid.
I need to make some new pillow cases too because mine are old and faded.



toodle oooh

love is just a hoax so forget everything you have heard

it's almost 11.
i don't really know what to say right now.
all day today i was supposed to be reading and analyzing these 4 poems
because on thursday, i have to have rough drafts finished for each poem
and they all have to be a minimum of 3 pages :(
oh lord.
the william shakespear poem was probably the easiest to understand haha.
oh well.
i'll work on it tomorrow in the library.

i hate that i procrastinated all day.
i feel like i wasted so much time.
uugghh
sad days.

i can't stop listening to Sleep Better by Pete Yorn.
It's really such an awesome song.
I think i'm going to listen to it tomorrow when I drive to school.
I have to remember to bring a pillow and blanket in my car tomorrow.
I dont really want to take a pillow from my bed
so I think i'll make one ;)
haha or I dont know. I think i have a spare pillow lying around somewhere.
how exciting :)

I didn't wash my bathing suit or my towel this weekend.
I forgot :(
oh well.
I'm excited for school :) and it's nice to finally have that feeling.
i'm excited for what i'm going to learn, you know?
I'm just not excited for all those essays i have due :(
or the test i have on wednesday that I haven't studied for!!!
I dont even have the book for my wednesday class!!!
Well, tomorrow at the library I'll just see if it's there and I'll study it for a little while.
The last time we had an exam, I didn't study for it at all and I got like an 84%.
thats how i do! :) just kidding.

Hmmm...
my wrist hurts.
i'm a little distracted so I think i'm going end this post here.
All i want to say is that i'm so excited to wake up tomorrow :)
and I like that I feel that way.



toodle oooh

calls him everyday, he took a kind of vacation

i had this weird dream last night.
it lasted until the morning.
i forgot how it started
but i remember being at Rite Aid
and i wanted to buy a pregnancy test because i thought i was pregnant,
but I didn't want anyone to know it was for me
so I got out my phone and I pretended I was talking to whoever I was going to buy the test for.
the pregnancy tests were really expensive so i just decided to go to school to get one
(i guess because in my dream, the nurses' office had them).
So I went to PCC, but it wasn't the PCC campus, it was my elementary school.
I went up the stairs and into the nurses' office and found the pregnancy tests on top of a cabinet.
I grabbed it and went to the bathroom but when I was in there, there were all these little girls (i guess from the elementary school) and they kept bothering me! it was actually really creepy.
So I couldn't take the test in there because I was trying to look for the instructions and I couldn't concentrate and the print on the instructions was soo small.

Oh it was so confusing.
Anyway, I don't really remember what happened after that, but I do remember being in my car (well it wasn't my car it was a convertible i think) but anyway, i was driving and talking to the nurse on AIM on my laptop and I was asking her how to use the pregnancy tests and she just kept going off on tangents and she never ended up telling me.
so in the end, I never got to use the pregnancy test
and I never found out if i was pregnant.

it was weird.
just thought I'd share it.

Right now I'm listening to Pete Yorn - Sleep Better
and I'm really hungry.
I have a bug bite on the back of my leg near my ankle
and it's really itchy.

I'm feeling a little contemplative
and lonely :(


"she wont feel better alone, no they wont sleep better alone, and they wont feel better alone"



toodle oooh

you won't sleep better alone

yesterday was pretty chill.
it was nice being able to leave my bags in my car at school
instead of carrying them around all day.
i took a nap in my car too :)
i should come better prepared though.
i need to pack some pillows and blankets in that bad boy.

i wonder if i'll be able to do that in my yaris
when i get it.

uugghh :(
these past couple of days haven't been so great.
it's nice being able to drive and everything
but i just feel so lonely sometimes :(

i want to feel like i don't need to go back to Danny
but sometimes i just miss him so much.
i called him last night because it was bothering me so much
that i wasn't talking to him.
he didn't pick up, but he called me at around 2 a.m.
i didn't pick up because i was asleep and i missed the call.
oh well.

:(
i really miss him sometimes though.
i mean, 4 years is a really long time to be with someone
and i just can't seem to let go.
i fight it soo much on the inside but i can't do anything about it anymore.
it's like i'm at the half-way point...
i want to go back because it's safe there and because it's what i'm familiar with
...and because he loves me :(
but i don't want to go back because there is nothing waiting for me in that relationship.
not right now anyway.
ohhh lord :( :(
i miss him tremendously though.
it's so tough to deal with sometimes.
and sometimes i just want to cry and cry about it.

:(
well i have work at 2 today
and then a hair cut at 8.
i wonder if i should call him.
oh lord.



toodle oooh

lay on the bright lights

Hi everyone.
I'm watching Back to the Future III right now.
I like this one :)
It's cute.
anyway...
i drove to Ross today to return that comforter I bought.
It was waaay too slippery.
I'm never buying satin again :(

Driving was fun though :)
I did good.
I wanted to go visit some people
but i decided not to.
My dad told me to save gas.

I felt super bad though because I parked in a 24 minute parking space
(i know, right? 24 minutes?)
But I did it because I was only planning on returning the comforter.
I ended up doing some shopping and I'm sure I was there longre than 24 minutes
but oh lord
I totally forgot!
Thank God I didn't get a ticket or anything.
Ohh but I walked back to the car so scared.
:( eehhh it made me sad.
oh well.

haha oh man,
I just realized how weird Back to the Future is haha.
Imagine going back in time and knowing only one person
and that person knows you.
damn I can only imagine how weird it would be going back in time.
Holy shit.
hahaha.

anyway...
hopefully tomorrow will be fun.
i dont have school on friday so I can stay out on Thursday.
Woo!
I'm hungry.

Yay tomorrow will be fun :)
having a car to leave my bags in
so I don't have to carry them around all over class.

I remember when I was little
I used to think Doc Brown was crazy
hahaha
I think it was his hair.


toodle oooh

she wont sleep better alone

I have water in my ear from swimming class >:(
it's annoying! i hate it!!

i've tried everything i could think of to get it out
but it's still in there.
hopefully it will go away when i go to sleep.

I got to drive to Ross and JoAnn's Fabrics today
all by myself :)
I was so proud.

I bought a comforter from Ross that I thought would be nice
but I'm really really not happy with it
so i'm going to return it.
The only bad thing is that after I bought it
I went to JoAnn's Fabrics to buy fabric to make matching pillow cases
and I spent $20 on some satin fabric
and i'm not even going to use it :(
I can't return it either!! boooooooo!!
oh well.

maybe i can make something out of it.

So right now, I'm refilling Conroy, Pablo, and Archimedes' tank
because it gets dirty a lot faster
given that there are three fish in the tank now
and they poop a lot.
They're cool though.

I'm going to drive to school by myself tomorrow :)
aaaahhh :)
should be exciting.
I just have to be careful and all that.
I think i'm a pretty good driver.
Anyway...

I'm going to finish cleaning out the tank,
watch some Intervention (because i'm totally hooked)
and then go to sleep and pray that the water leaves my ear!!
Gosh I hate it!!!!


toodle oooh

we've got to get something to eat and to drink yeah

i passed my behind-the-wheel test today :)
i'm reeeally happy about that.

but god damn...
i'm watching intervention
and this show is intense!!
oh man
i can't believe how devastating this shit is.
i want to go hug all these people
and then lock them in a room for like 4 months
hahaha
sounds kind of mean but
it's what they need.

damn.
makes me never want to drink.
seriously.
cirrhossis of the liver...
there are cooler ways to die
not that dying is cool
but you know what i mean.

anyway
yeah this show is depressing
but i'm hooked.
haha oh no!
i'm gonna have to go on the show
because i'm addicted to it.

...i shouldn't be laughing about that.
anyways



toodle oooh

just put yourself in my new shoes

i'm taking my behind-the-wheel test tomorrow.
ah! how exciting :)
i'm kind of scared to take it
because i don't know what to expect
but i'm sure i'll be okay.


hopefully i get my license tomorrow :)
howww exciting!!

i feel bad driving though
because of carbon emissions and all that.
however, i will be getting a really fuel efficient car :)
a yaris, yay!
it's not as fuel efficient as a hybrid, mind you
but i think it gets something like 28 city/32 highway.
something like that.

but anyway,
it's late
and i have to wake up early
to get my license.
oh good luck, me!!!


toodle oooh

she'll wrap her sheets around us, yeah!!

I think i write in this so much because i'm bored.
I really shouldn't though because i have things to do.
I wish i wasn't so lazy :(

i have to hang up my black clothes
and then get my colors together and wash those.
i reeeeally want to do it
but i'm so comfortable on my bed
i just want to go to sleep
but i think a dinosaur might be coming over later
so i have to get in the shower.

i'll probably do that right now.
well
i'll put my clothes away first
then get in the shower.

toodle oooh

at this moment from where I sit, none of it seems real

dang, i'm reeeeally hungry but I dont know what to eat.
there's not really anything in my house.

i just read online that Arby's is buying Wendy's for $2.3 billion
or something like that.
that's a lot of money.
I wish i had that kind of money...
or at least some Wendy's
or Arby's.
I'm really fucking hungry.
hmmm...

i don't want to say i'm starving
because i'm not.
little kids in africa are starving, you know?
so i feel bad for saying, "i'm starving".

but i really am hungry.
oh well.
maybe i can eat a hot pocket or something.

my english class was cancelled today.
I was pretty bummed because i was going to show my professor
a poem that i wrote that i'm really proud of.
she said she was looking forward to reading.
maybe something came up and she had to cancel class.
it's not such a bad thing though.
i didn't read all the poems i was supposed to read :X
oh well.
i can do it over the weekend.

i really want to do something tonight though
since i dont have school tomorrow.
I think i have work but I'm not sure what time.
I should call and find out.

so today
i'm going to get something to eat
wash the rest of my laundry
take a shower
and find something to do :)
until then...

toodle oooh

let's get a bottle and drink alone tonight

i had work today from 6-10.
it was pretty fun
but i'm pretty tired now.

i have class at 7:25 tomorrow.
what a drag.
should be interesting though.
i looooove oceanography
and my professor ;)

anyway...hmmm...
i dont have much to say tonight.
nothing to report really.
oh shoot!!
i need to type something up.
i think i'll get to it right now.
in the mean time, whoever is reading this,
you should definitely check out:

minus the bear: http://myspace.com/minusthebear
and
you me and everyone we know: http://www.myspace.com/youmeandeveryoneweknow

they are totally awesome and i'm in love with them.


toodle oooh

the first time they met mine

i'm writing another one of these
'cause i dont really have anything to do right now.
i'm finally doing my laundry :)
i'm really happy about getting that done.
so i guess tomorrow after school
i'll get started on cleaning my room
...hopefully.

anyways
i was eating chips and salsa right now
mmm...delicious :)
i'm feeling tired
or maybe it's just me being lazy.
oh well.

i have work in an hour until 10.
should be fun.
yesterday bad at all.
closing went by really quickly.

but yeah, i'm going to get my clothes together
so that i'll have something to wear for work.

toodle oooh

your kind eyes were so bright

So i now have a blog :)
i really intend on using it every day too!
or as much as possible at least.

so today i was supposed to go to Eaton Canyon
with my Humans & The Enviromnent class
but i was sooo sleepy from waking up at 6 yesterday
and closing at work last night.
i just slept in. :(
i really wanted to go but i was too tired to hike and all that.

in a little bit i'm going to get up and wash my clothes.
then when all that is out of the way, i'm going to clean my room.
i have to do it in an organized way though!
or else i'll go crazy trying to get it done.
oh shoot!!
i have to read a million poems for english!
dang.
i guess i'll have to do that tonight.

well i have some time to do it tomorrow too.
i should stop being lazy and get to it!

well i just thought i'd writing something now that i have a new blog :)
hooray!

toodle oooh