i'm not so naive, my sorry eyes can see

i'm at my neighbor Eric's house right now.
I'm supposed to be helping him bring in some mattresses for his mom's bed
haha but i'm blogging instead :P

oh well
i helped him put together her bedframe.
i love my neighbor Eric.
he's the best neighbor ever :)
i love his mom too!
she's awesome!!!!
haha their whole family is just great.
good people,
seriously.

but anyways
things have kind of been at a stand-still lately.
not a lot of work
no school
nothing really to be done.
i don't really like all of this inactivity.
i wish i had something daily to do.
maybe i should make myself a schedule to follow
haha or maybe not.
oh lord.

i really need to get my shit together.
i will soon.



toodle oooh

why do we like to hurt so much

i still try holding onto silly things
i never learn!!!!!!!




toodle oooh

i just keep thinking how i never meant it to be like this

today is danny's birthday.
23 on the 23rd.

sometimes i wish i could get over him and move on
but at the same time i really really don't want to,
i never wanted to, ever.

oh lord :(
feelings are stupid.

i don't know anything anymore!!!!!

i'm just going to keep listeing to paramore
and hopefully i'll figure shit out.

see, this is why i dont ever think about my feelings anymore!
i don't have any answers to any of the questions!!

i think i'm just going to quit life.




toodle oooh

that's what you get when you let your heart win

why do we like to hurt so much?



one step forward
two steps back
:(

i hope i know what i'm doing.
and i wish this wasn't so complicated.

i love you
and i miss you
soo much.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i don't know what's right for me
and i don't know what i need anymore.

where do all the answers come from?

i want you back in my life.
i promise we can make it work.
i love you
i love you
i love you.
let's make this work.
i love you.

i hate this...



toodle oooh

we will be going nowhere soon

this is your life
and it's ending
one second at a time.

i really didn't do anything today
which kind of makes me sad
but at the same time,
i don't mind so much.

i dealt with a lot of insurance stuff today
the allstate people are really nice.
i really miss my car though :(
and i still feel awful about the accident.
i wish i could just put it out of my mind
but oh well.
life just has it's little upsies i guess :(


driving my car is probably going to be very scary after this.
ugh especially changing lanes on the freeway.
i'm so scared of the freeway now.
i guess i just have to be really extra super cautious next time.

...i don't mean to digress but...
oh lord
i really miss danny.
i hate to admit it because sometimes i wish i didn't miss him
but i really really want to go back to him
only because i know what to expect in that "relationship".
i miss his love and i miss him as a person
i miss his body and the nights we used to spend
and i don't want to settle for anything else right now.

letting go is ridiculously difficult and draining :(
i wish i didn't have to do it
but it's not about what i want anymore.
it's about what i need to do to be happy.

"your eyes must do some raining if you're ever going to grow"




toodle oooh

i don't want to feel this way forever

so today i got into a car accident on the freeway.
my first accident with my new car :(
it wasn't major at all, thank goodness
i guess you could call it a fender bender :(
but still....it sucks big time
and it was my fault :(

jessica and i were on our way to santa monica beach
and we were on the section of freeway that splits of
between the 5 north i guess and the 10 west
and we were stuck in the lane that went to the 5
which had bumper to bumper traffic
and so i had to merge into the right lane
which had flowing traffic
so after waiting for the right time to go,
i saw an opening between the cars and i went for it
but what i didn't see was a honda cr-v next to me
and i hit it :(
ohhh lord.

i really dont want to talk about it/relive it at all.
so i guess i'll just say
damage to the honda was minimal
damage to my yaris was...ehhh, it's not nice to look at.
my dad was really angry :(
my mom was pretty understanding
and i feel terrbile about it.
and i think that's all i want to say about that.



toodle oooh

no sólo de pan vive el hombre, y no de excusas vivo yo

sigue llorando perdón,
yo, ya no voy a llorar por tí

tonight went from being a super shitty night
to being an awesome night.
woo woooo



p.s.
it's so funny
hearing my doggie sneeze




toodle oooh

tell me, can you feel the pressure now

howdy.
so i just got back home from the dentist :(
i had to get fillings
boooo cavities!
and i had to get a shot also.
it wasn't as bad as i anticipated it to be though
which is good!
because i hate needles.

uggh my upper lip is soooo numb
it feels gross.
i can't eat until the numbness goes away
and i'm suuuuuper hungry :(
there's not really anything to eat at my house either.
i hate it!
i dont like buying fast food all the time :(

i want to go see The Happening tonight
it's probably going to be all crowded and shit
but oh well, it looks like a good movie.

uughh sooooo hungry.
and on a side note,
i hate work.
boooo jamba juice
and your crummy management
and your lousy schedule-making.
booooo i say!!!

i hope i get this job at petsmart.
it may be a little far from my house
but fuck, anything is better than getting paid $8 an hour
and working a maximum of >10 hours a week.
fuck that.

oh well.
my teeth hurt
my lip and cheek are numb
and i'm hungry.
and work sucks.




toodle oooh

on your machine i slur a plea for you to come home

hi.
today was a pretty crummy day.
the best part of it was hanging out with my neighbor Eric for like a half hour.
he's really great at cheering me up.
he's really great in general.

so i'm listening to death cab for cutie right now
and it hurts to type with my index finger
'cause i smashed it at work :(

ugh...
sometimes i wish letting to was easy.
i wish i could just find a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet
so quickly that i would leave all this extra baggage behind.
oh lord.

i miss the way he smells
and i miss the way he used to love me.
but he doesn't love me like that anymore
and he doesn't treat me like he loves me.
there's no reason for me to go back
and there's no reason for me to hold on anymore
it's just so difficult sometimes.


"you can never find the right person, if you never
let go of the wrong one. but at the same time, the
moment you feel like letting go, you remember
why you held on for so long.

sometimes you have to forget what you want, and remember what you deserve"




toodle oooh

don't try, you'll never win

hi.
i'm awfully lonely tonight :(
that's all.



toodle oooh

the western skyline is where my heart is

Hi.
I'm absolutely in love with a song called Hardly Enough by WAZ.
go listen to it, it's sooo beautiful.
oh i love it i love it.

anyway
so today was my last day of oceanography lecture.
lord, i am going to miss that class tremendously.
i feel like i've learned sooo much.
i'm really tempted to take the geology 1 class that my professor is offering over the summer
it's tuesday, wednesday, and thursday from 8am to 2pm.
it seems like a really long time
but 18 hours of Dr. Bryan Wilbur weekly is an absolute dream.
really.

plus he said since there are 6 hour blocks
there could potentially be trips to the beach ;)
nice.
but i dont need to take that class as a requirement or anything.
it would be super duper fun and interesting, no doubt.
but it would lessen my work availability a lot
and i dont know if i want to wake up that early 3 days a week over the summer.
i mean, i do it now
but summer is relax time.
maybe i wont do it.
i'm sure he will offer other interesting courses in the fall.
ooh i love Professor Wilbur :D woo!!!

i'm extremely thirsty.
i took a really long nap when i got home from school today
it felt so good.
i was out like a light, really. drooling and everything hahaha.
sorry i know that's gross but that's how tired i was.
maybe that's why i'm so thirsty.

so right now it's just me at home.
i'm going to finish cleaning up my room right now
and then i'm probably going to get in the shower
and work on my Humans and the Environment powerpoint afterwards.

i swear, this song Hardly Enough makes me feel like life is alright :)
it's such a gorgeous song.

well time for me to get things done!




toodle oooh

ghost of a good thing

i guess it's luck but it's the same,
hard luck you've been trying to claim.
maybe it's love but it's like you said
love is like a role that we play.

but i believe in you so much,
i could die for the words that you say.
but i believe in you so much,
i could die from the words that you say.

you're chasing a ghost of a good thing,
haunting yourself as the real thing
is getting away from you again
while you're chasing ghosts.

just bend the pieces 'til they fit
like they were made for it
but they weren't meant for this,
no they weren't meant for this.

just bend the pieces 'til they fit
like they were made for it,
but they weren't meant for this.




toodle oooh