i wish the world was flat like the old days, so i could travel just by folding a map

i'm at school right now.
i'm trying to write my essay but i just can't do it.
maybe i should have read the play :(
i'm supposed to write about Arthuer Miller's Death of a Salesman.
The prompt is:


What is Arthur Miller criticizing about the American Dream in Death of a Salesman?


Pretty good prompt if you ask me.
I mean, I read some of the play and watched the movie in highschool
but that was like junior year :/
we talked about the play in class too
and my professor gave me some really good ideas
but i just can't seem to put it together.
I never know what to write anymore :( :(
oh lord.

I'm listening to Death Cab for Cutie right now
hence the title of my post.

Well i'm on limited time right now!!
i have about another hour to write write write!!
so...



toodle oooh

our boats collide, we feel the breeze

it's been really windy today.
high pressure system :) i learned that in oeanography.
i'm watching survivorman right now
although i should be writing my english essay.
it's a really good prompt though so writing it should be easy.

i made dinner today.
cheeseburger macaroni hamburger helper
some soup and some creamed corn with monterey jack cheese in it.
it was good i just wish i had someone to eat with.

my neighbor Eric has come home from college finally :)
it's nice that he's next door all the time now
'cause he's awesome to hang out with
so i'm hoping i can hang out with him soon wooo!

i was supposed to go to the california science center today
but samantha didn't have enough gas so we cancelled that plan
booooo but oh well it happens.

i'm going to write more of my essay.



toodle oooh

how could i predict this would happen?

I know I haven't written for a long time
but oh well.
nothing new has really happened lately.

My car doesn't work anymore :( I don't know what's wrong with it
except for the fact that it's an old piece of crap!!
hopefully I'll start making enough money to make car payments soon
so that I can get my Yaris :) wooooo

But right now I'm watching some movie with Tupac
waiting to go to work at 6.
it's ridiculously, hideously hot outside right now
so work is probably going to be a pain.
It's going to feel good cleaning everything though haha.

I stopped talking to Danny like a week ago I think.
I'm not really sure how long it's been
but I don't feel like calling him at all.

I got hooked on So You Think You Can Dance haha the last season
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a great show.
well i'm pretty much out of things to say
and i think thats why i haven't written anything.



toodle oooh

i wrote this down for you

She desperately longed for affection and caring words and gestures. She was—more than ever— a fiend for what seemed so easily granted in the beginning of the relationship, but now seeemed to be the hardest thing to give.

Her heart's old wounds and stitches opened once more as the loss of something great again reminded her of how she was really living.

Fairy tales do not exist in real life.
Life takes it's own course.
It does not yield for age differences and it has no compassion for love.
It tears people apart with no more than a few apologies and a million unanswered questions.

What used to be a warm, safe place where her love could thrive,
had now become a bruised, stitched, pathetic excuse for a heart that could no longer feel what used to keep it alive.


this was something i wrote a while back.
i have no idea when i wrote it
but i found it today while cleaning my room.

the reason i'm cleaning is because in the past 3 days,
i have found 4 cockroaches chilling in my room.
disgusting.
i hate them.
so i need to do a thorough clean today
and then go to Margarita Jones later!!
WOOO!
haha i guess it should be fun
i've never been there but it's like a restaurant/nightclub.
yay :)



toodle oooh

she can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends

i'm at jessica's house right now.
we watched Fight Club and now the Reno 911 movie is on.
It's pretty damn late.
I have work at 2 tomorrow...
2-6
it's not so bad :)

hahaha oh my god, The Rock is in this movie?
that's too funny.
HAHAHA!
he just got blown up.
what a shame.
oh lord.
this movie is funny.

anyway,
i had a bad night the other night :(
cried super duper hard in my car in the PCC parking lot...
like really cried...hard.
it felt really good though to get everything out.

Today in my english class i was supposed to turn in a bunch of essays
and i didn't :(
sucks man.
4 poems, one essay per poem, three pages per essay.
horrible stuff.
oh well.
:(
We watched Oedipus: The King.
That's actually a really good play.
The movie was entertaining and it was fun following along in the book.

anyway...
i'm pretty sleepy.
Looks like i'm sleeping on the couch tonight!
No biggie :)

shit I wanted to buy this super soft pillow from Ross
but i already spent like $30 over there.
I guess I'll do it when I get paid.
I need to make some new pillow cases too because mine are old and faded.



toodle oooh

love is just a hoax so forget everything you have heard

it's almost 11.
i don't really know what to say right now.
all day today i was supposed to be reading and analyzing these 4 poems
because on thursday, i have to have rough drafts finished for each poem
and they all have to be a minimum of 3 pages :(
oh lord.
the william shakespear poem was probably the easiest to understand haha.
oh well.
i'll work on it tomorrow in the library.

i hate that i procrastinated all day.
i feel like i wasted so much time.
uugghh
sad days.

i can't stop listening to Sleep Better by Pete Yorn.
It's really such an awesome song.
I think i'm going to listen to it tomorrow when I drive to school.
I have to remember to bring a pillow and blanket in my car tomorrow.
I dont really want to take a pillow from my bed
so I think i'll make one ;)
haha or I dont know. I think i have a spare pillow lying around somewhere.
how exciting :)

I didn't wash my bathing suit or my towel this weekend.
I forgot :(
oh well.
I'm excited for school :) and it's nice to finally have that feeling.
i'm excited for what i'm going to learn, you know?
I'm just not excited for all those essays i have due :(
or the test i have on wednesday that I haven't studied for!!!
I dont even have the book for my wednesday class!!!
Well, tomorrow at the library I'll just see if it's there and I'll study it for a little while.
The last time we had an exam, I didn't study for it at all and I got like an 84%.
thats how i do! :) just kidding.

Hmmm...
my wrist hurts.
i'm a little distracted so I think i'm going end this post here.
All i want to say is that i'm so excited to wake up tomorrow :)
and I like that I feel that way.



toodle oooh

calls him everyday, he took a kind of vacation

i had this weird dream last night.
it lasted until the morning.
i forgot how it started
but i remember being at Rite Aid
and i wanted to buy a pregnancy test because i thought i was pregnant,
but I didn't want anyone to know it was for me
so I got out my phone and I pretended I was talking to whoever I was going to buy the test for.
the pregnancy tests were really expensive so i just decided to go to school to get one
(i guess because in my dream, the nurses' office had them).
So I went to PCC, but it wasn't the PCC campus, it was my elementary school.
I went up the stairs and into the nurses' office and found the pregnancy tests on top of a cabinet.
I grabbed it and went to the bathroom but when I was in there, there were all these little girls (i guess from the elementary school) and they kept bothering me! it was actually really creepy.
So I couldn't take the test in there because I was trying to look for the instructions and I couldn't concentrate and the print on the instructions was soo small.

Oh it was so confusing.
Anyway, I don't really remember what happened after that, but I do remember being in my car (well it wasn't my car it was a convertible i think) but anyway, i was driving and talking to the nurse on AIM on my laptop and I was asking her how to use the pregnancy tests and she just kept going off on tangents and she never ended up telling me.
so in the end, I never got to use the pregnancy test
and I never found out if i was pregnant.

it was weird.
just thought I'd share it.

Right now I'm listening to Pete Yorn - Sleep Better
and I'm really hungry.
I have a bug bite on the back of my leg near my ankle
and it's really itchy.

I'm feeling a little contemplative
and lonely :(


"she wont feel better alone, no they wont sleep better alone, and they wont feel better alone"



toodle oooh

you won't sleep better alone

yesterday was pretty chill.
it was nice being able to leave my bags in my car at school
instead of carrying them around all day.
i took a nap in my car too :)
i should come better prepared though.
i need to pack some pillows and blankets in that bad boy.

i wonder if i'll be able to do that in my yaris
when i get it.

uugghh :(
these past couple of days haven't been so great.
it's nice being able to drive and everything
but i just feel so lonely sometimes :(

i want to feel like i don't need to go back to Danny
but sometimes i just miss him so much.
i called him last night because it was bothering me so much
that i wasn't talking to him.
he didn't pick up, but he called me at around 2 a.m.
i didn't pick up because i was asleep and i missed the call.
oh well.

:(
i really miss him sometimes though.
i mean, 4 years is a really long time to be with someone
and i just can't seem to let go.
i fight it soo much on the inside but i can't do anything about it anymore.
it's like i'm at the half-way point...
i want to go back because it's safe there and because it's what i'm familiar with
...and because he loves me :(
but i don't want to go back because there is nothing waiting for me in that relationship.
not right now anyway.
ohhh lord :( :(
i miss him tremendously though.
it's so tough to deal with sometimes.
and sometimes i just want to cry and cry about it.

:(
well i have work at 2 today
and then a hair cut at 8.
i wonder if i should call him.
oh lord.



toodle oooh